my writing tonight is a result of anxiety, jetlag, general insomnia, and perhaps a lot of desperation. i'm not sure if anyone even reads this anymore, given that i haven't posted a letter in almost a year. still, in my times of despair, writing has found me a way, so to it i shall return again tonight. i don't claim that my life is somehow more difficult than that of the average person; everyone's on their own journey and i am grateful for mine. - as an adult living through the times that is the 21st century, i too feel the inescapable pressure of needing to make it. my journey is complicated a little more when you realise that i am an immigrant, needing to carve out my own path from scratch if i want to survive the rat race. the pressure feels insurmountable, but i persevere. it feels personal, you know? i grew up in a conservative society, which many may label as "backdated" due to the views we hold as a people. i was very lucky and privileged to have been b...
turned 23 yesterday in a land that isn’t mine, yet might as well be like a second home to me given how much i used to visit when i was younger. my mum, dad, and i walked around the city of Bangkok on my 23rd birthday - them desperately searching for anything they could buy me as a gift, me wanting to go back to the hotel and relax. i don’t have 23 lessons to summarise my 23 years on this planet; i highly doubt i’ve actually properly learned some of the stuff life’s tried so hard to teach me, but i was laying in bed reflecting on my life and where i am now. i was video-calling my partner so we could do the wordle together. i can’t even remember what we were talking about when he perks up to wish me a happy birthday. “baby, it’s your birthday here in Australia! happy birthday, i love you so much.” mind you, there were still 3 hours to go before the clock struck 12 for me, but i’ve never seen someone (outside of my parents) be so excited that it was my birthday, even when it wasn’t act...
where do i go from here? who do i know in here? i want it all again. who can i call again? it's quite embarrassing to admit, but i don't do very well when i'm fully alone. i can stay in a room by myself and i can function fine, but when the house is as eerily quiet as it is today, i start to fall apart. i'm not sure if it is because i feel like i've been abandoned or if i am just comfortable when no one can watch me. my darling boy is away for the next couple of days, and my sister usually spends most of her time away from home, which means that i have this slightly too big apartment all to myself for a while now. too much time all alone if you ask me. i don't think it's any good for anyone, least of all me. i'm on mood stabilisers now, by the way. they're supposed to help me not feel so overwhelmingly sad that i can't get up, and not so excitedly happy that i can't come down. i think that's a good thing. i'm not sure if they're w...
woahhh did you make this website?? thats so cool - anon from secsoc heheheh
ReplyDeletei did not make this website hahah this is just under google's blogger thing :)
Deletewhen i finally make a website it'll be cooler xx