turned 23 yesterday in a land that isn’t mine, yet might as well be like a second home to me given how much i used to visit when i was younger. my mum, dad, and i walked around the city of Bangkok on my 23rd birthday - them desperately searching for anything they could buy me as a gift, me wanting to go back to the hotel and relax. i don’t have 23 lessons to summarise my 23 years on this planet; i highly doubt i’ve actually properly learned some of the stuff life’s tried so hard to teach me, but i was laying in bed reflecting on my life and where i am now. i was video-calling my partner so we could do the wordle together. i can’t even remember what we were talking about when he perks up to wish me a happy birthday. “baby, it’s your birthday here in Australia! happy birthday, i love you so much.” mind you, there were still 3 hours to go before the clock struck 12 for me, but i’ve never seen someone (outside of my parents) be so excited that it was my birthday, even when it wasn’t act...
the title has nothing to do with my beautiful boy. him and i are still going strong. fuck you. i am not going to pretend like i have not been deeply emotionally scarred by a situationship i had almost a year ago now. it is not something i try to keep secret at all; i've written about the relationship (or lack thereof) extensively and it is something that affects me even to this day. this person, who i will call POS for the rest of this essay, somewhat knows about the pain that he has caused me, but to this day, i do not think i have gotten an honest apology and an acknowledgement of the pain i have been put through, and that fucks with me a lot. it was a bad romance, and as chatgpt put it, i am mourning the version of myself that wanted so badly to be loved by POS. it never happened, and honestly, i am so glad it didn't. i would've never known better existed if i settled for POS. - my brilliant boy, who i will refer to as LOML for the rest of this essay, left to go back hom...
Does anyone even read this anymore? - The last time I wrote something, it was me talking about how much I love this beautiful boy of mine. No one ever told me how much falling in love with the right person would change my life for the better. I have had the most magical 5 months ever, spending all of these moments filled with laughter and joy and quiet and love with him, and now I’ve got to spend 3 weeks away from him because I need to fuck off to the States. How unfortunate. - I didn’t think it was possible, but I’ve managed to fall even more in love than before. It’s like when you’re falling in your sleep, and it scares you because you don’t know if there’s anything at the bottom to cushion your fall. Maybe I’m an idiot, but I’m not so scared of what’s there at the bottom anymore. I just believe he will be there to catch me before I hit the ground. Faith, that’s a weird one. Never in my life did I ever imagine that I would surrender all control over to someone else, and allow them to...
woahhh did you make this website?? thats so cool - anon from secsoc heheheh
ReplyDeletei did not make this website hahah this is just under google's blogger thing :)
Deletewhen i finally make a website it'll be cooler xx