Trying not to kill myself gets more and more difficult every day. This is a weird thing to say after what has been a pretty nice week, but I guess this is what depression is like. Summary of my week - a horrible long weekend, but went to class the next day and somehow understood things despite not knowing what the fuck I was supposed to be doing. Complimented random people. Random people complimented me. Had some really lovely, small conversations with people I will probably never see ever again. Had an insane conversation with a group of people I was never expecting to have said conversation with. Realised my work friend is just like me. Got tickets to Travis Scott. Got new clothes. Got a very important interview. Had a really good time in general. But on the flip side, I've barely been eating 1 meal a day. I eat small items and call it a day because I have run out of food at home and grocery shopping is a chore. My room's starting to look like a mess again and all I have to d...
if someone has any tips on moving on, please let me know. i never learned how to get over anything ever. there is no way in hell that i'm sobbing while my friend sleeps peacefully next to me. i genuinely believed being around other people and spending time away would help with my head, but i think i just carry my sorrows with me no matter where i go. i can't escape it. it's a never-ending hell. and tomorrow is another day. i'll be commuting to work, then making my way home. hopefully watching some lectures and catching up on the massive backlog of work that i should really get to as soon as is possible. i'm going to be so fine again. as always, i'll be at my best. 10/10. happy and smiling every damn time. saw pictures of myself on my society's page by the way. i look so incredibly happy, laughing at something i can't even remember. i hate the pictures. i hate everything about me in them. what i hate the most is how unlike myself i felt that day, but no o...
TW: Sensitive content. one last post about this while i'm still at seclab and the jukebox plays. thanks for your advice, chat. this is my final goodbye. - this is a lot more difficult than i thought it would be. i genuinely believed that i could just sit down and spill everything, but i may no longer have any tears left to cry. which would make sense. all i've done is cry about this for the last 39281923 days anyway. we'll see where this goes. i'm going to write whatever comes to me. it won't make sense. - i have the greatest friends in the world. people who are happy to listen to me talk and talk again about the same thing. and give me advice too, even when it's the same advice they gave me the first time i talked about it. people who are actually willing to go to war against me, for me. i'm convinced that i wouldn't be alive today if i didn't have some of these people in my life. to the friends that i used to have and the ones whose presence still ...
woahhh did you make this website?? thats so cool - anon from secsoc heheheh
ReplyDeletei did not make this website hahah this is just under google's blogger thing :)
Deletewhen i finally make a website it'll be cooler xx