main character syndrome

This might as well be one of the worst pieces of writing that I've ever put out, but that's okay because this one is just for me. If you hate it, don't tell me I didn't warn you. Call me a narcissist, but I spent the last 5-7 mins just staring at myself in the mirror, trying to see myself the way so many people in my life seem to. And you know what? I liked what I saw. Flushed cheeks (due to medication though), a smile that reached my eyes and lit up my face, unruly hair that somehow framed my face so nicely. I liked the rest of me too, but I’m not about to describe it. You lot cannot be trusted. - Today is the last day of the year. I do one of these reflections every year, to remind myself how far I’ve come and how much further I still have left to go. 2022 has been one of the most critical years of my life. I didn’t always like it, but in hindsight, it was necessary for me to go through this. I don’t think any other year will ever be able to compare with this one in t...

This is a continuation of Reflections and Realisations - Part I . If you haven't read that yet, please check it out first! I was rushing to move on because I thought I had to be over this boy by x days. I hadn't known him for that long, so why should I be hung up on him for such a long time? Unfortunately, I was only harming myself more than I was helping. The duration didn't determine how strongly I felt about him. That was just something that happened. I wanted to share everything with him, even if it was just as a friend. I reached out asking if that was an option, but he said that he puts distance between himself and "former romantic partners" (lol) because it is not very helpful for moving on. I am not sure who he was talking about, but with the way he's talked about me, it is safe to bet that it was me he was referring to. I thought, "He should be here," but the reality was that he wasn't, and he isn't here right now, either. In hindsig...

Disclaimer - Whoever you think this post is about, no it isn't. I am trying not to get sued. I have never written a post when I was not depressed, but I thought this would be nice for a change. I am not exactly manic at the moment, but I think it is starting soon. I have my face mask (Calcium Bentonite / oily skin) on right now, and SZA's new album, SOS, is playing on my iPad. This is my version of a rich woman sipping wine and relaxing. Kill Bill might be my favourite song on this album. I have been going through it recently (obviously), and at first, I was embarrassed, but I've realised that I am just experiencing what any person in their 20s does. This is normal. I am normal. I always have been. Part I - Reflections I took this picture the first night / day that I spoke to him. It was 5 AM, and he had just gone to sleep, and I decided to go out for a run. | Eastlakes, Sydney, Australia I am going to talk about what I went through after the entire "I got dumped in a ...

Something has changed. The air isn't the same. The place isn't the same. The people aren't the same. I've been back in this country, in my country, for just over a week, but nothing feels like my own. I'm kind of just floating around the place because I can't figure out where it is that I'm meant to be. I'm not sure where that place is, but it is definitely not here. I spend most of my day either watching Netflix / Apple TV / Prime Video / whatever stupid subscription I decided to get for myself, sleeping, or just being awfully rude and / or angry for no reason at all. I'm not the person that I used to be, and people are noticing that. I'm in the car right now, waiting to pick up my sister. I want to cry. There are tears forming in my eyes because I miss who I used to be. I used to be full of life, inserting myself in conversations that had nothing to do with me but still contributing something, cracking jokes and making people laugh, constant...