Thoughts in the Air

# Writing this in my Notes app because this is genuinely the shittiest in-flight wifi I have ever encountered in my life.

It’s very difficult to focus on writing this on a very full flight when I have a child in front of me who’s playing peek-a-boo with me. She’s been staring at me since we all queued up to check in, and coincidentally, she also happens to have the seat in front of me. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that she was so enthralled by me, she moved with me as I moved to go through the security checks, even though her mum was holding her. I’m not sure what about me fascinates her so much, but it’s very nice to be looked at like that for a change. Pure awe motivating every decision. No ulterior motives.

Speaking of coincidences, I’m sure it’s not that deep but something very stupid happened.

I got on the flight and knocked out immediately because I had not slept in over 24 hours. I napped as much as is actually possible when you're sitting straight in a cramped little space. Woke up and decided to connect to the internet, because why not? Let's see what the world has been up to.

I have a text message from an unknown number, and it goes something like this:

"Hey [name of person]! It’s [supervisor's name] calling from UNSW [name of team] 

Just calling about [work related program].  

If you could give me a call back before 4pm today thatd be fab! 

Chat soon :)"

[Name of person] just so happens to be that one person I cut contact with over a week ago. The one that's been the reason for so many tears shed, and so much time spent depressed.

There was no way this was happening to me right now. Especially not when I had literally physically left him behind.

I messaged my supervisor back and let them know that they had the wrong number, but I could probably give them the correct one if they could confirm the person's last name. He has a very common first name, and I was convinced that I was tripping and that it was just someone else and not him.

Wrong.

They confirm the full name, and it feels like someone kicked me in my stomach. Knocked the wind straight out of my lungs. My wifi decided to drop out around that time too, so I couldn't message a friend or anything for support. 30 minutes just sitting there, staring at my phone, reading and rereading the words on my screen.

What a cruel, cruel joke. We have 200+ staff members on that team, and how convenient that it is his and mine that get mixed up.

If it had to happen, it should've been the other way around. It should've been him being messaged about me, because I can guarantee that it would not have fazed him in any way, shape or form.

A grown woman should not be acting like this. These feelings should not be here still.

I'm done. I promised myself I was done.

Then why does this keep happening?

-

I'm not going to deep it too much because I'm finally almost home. I love myself for having the foresight to plan this trip, because I know that this is exactly what I need right now to quite literally change myself.

Coincidences happen. This was the final act in the drama that was our relationship. Every story needs a conclusion. That was ours.

And that's it. He's gone. I'm not that person anymore. I refuse to be that person ever again.

Here's to all the new people that I'm going to meet, and the ones who will change my life for the better.

And here's to the new me. I can't fucking wait to meet you.

# Will update with pictures (of myself mostly tbh) once I land. Blogger keeps shitting itself every time I try to upload something.