all i want is a yacht

# This is for me to look back on at the end of the term.

I currently have 15-20 hours of lectures that I need to watch. Quite a few hours of tutorial content that I need to review as well, and I genuinely cannot be bothered to do it at all. It is a struggle to focus, which is quite upsetting because I think I enjoy the content, but I'm unable to get myself to do what I need to.

My problem is that I get distracted too easily. Too many stimuli - maybe having Discord running in the background is not the play.

So I'm sat here writing this. I have quite a few long term goals for myself, but the way I'm going, I'm not really doing much work towards them. I do want a yacht. I want a jet, too. Probably a rocket at some point, but I'm not too fussed about it. I like earth.

But most importantly, I want to be able to do something for the people that I care about. I don't think I've talked about this much publicly; even in private, I try to keep it as brief as possible, but my biggest goal in life is to become a modern day Robinhood of some sort. I want to be disgustingly rich, and use the resources available to me to do something for Bangladesh. I love my country, and that love grows the longer I stay away from that place. I love my people, even the random strangers on the street, and I miss them. I want to give them something to remember me by. This is that something.

So you see, being rich is no longer a want but more of a need. Someone has to do it, and I am in the perfect position to be that someone. If not me, then who?

10/10 lift. 10/10 fit. 10/10 girl.

# I started writing this on 03/03 at 12.03 AM. It is currently 04/03, 07.01 AM.

I feel extremely driven to work on the things I want to work on right now. I have massive fucking goals - so big that they almost make me uncomfortable. I can't believe I was capable of thinking about them; that shouldn't be possible, but if I was able to dream them so easily, I will be able to make them happen too.

I am my biggest enemy. I limit myself because I keep convincing myself that I can't do something. I allow myself to get overwhelmed by the thoughts of what I have to do. Too much thinking, not enough doing.

The trick is to just do. Overnight success is the result of a long time spent playing the game. Life does change overnight - it just takes a decade to get to that night. A little effort everyday compounds into a massive change a while from now. These days are going to pass anyway, might as well make something of them.

That's what I need to do. That's what I should be doing. Progress isn't linear; no one knows that better than me. More often than not, there will be setbacks. Achievements will be far and few. There will be moments that I will lay in my bed at night, wondering if it is all worth it. I will want to give up. I will want to become complacent and almost convince myself that mediocrity isn't too bad.

It is fucking awful, by the way. That's not the life I could ever justify choosing for myself. Too many people have put in way too much effort for me to get to where I am. I cannot allow this to be the biggest achievement of my life and stagnate. 

Shit sucks now, but that doesn't mean that it'll suck forever. I have the ability to change that. After all, I'm the one in control, no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise. If I want to get to where I want to be, I need to learn to keep my head down and put in the work. I need to do it, no matter how hard it is. That builds discipline and character.

All it takes is one moment of pure luck. What it takes to get there is consistent effort.