main character syndrome

I am so upset that all I want to do is run to my mum and have her run her hands through my hair. I want to rest and I just want my family around me. I don't want to do anything, see anything, hear anything. I just want them here with me, right now. This is so incredibly stupid. I turned 22 a couple days ago and it was the worst birthday I've had in recent memory. I spent the entire weekend sleeping because I couldn't bring myself to celebrate - depression will do that to you. It also didn't help that it felt like a repeat of that time I turned 19, when everyone  forgot my birthday. Ok, everyone is a bit of a stretch, but I was thoroughly disappointed. I won't delve too deep into that, though, because that is not the point of this post today. The point is that I've been living life on hard mode and I have refused to admit it ever since it was pointed out to me. "Hard mode" for me doesn't necessarily mean financial hardships or resource constraints, ...

I obviously haven't had much time to write recently, with life events getting in the way. But I'm turning 22 in just over an hour, so I thought I'd sit down and continue this tradition of reflecting on my year. I skipped training for this one, so you know it's important. - I can't remember the last time I hated a birthday as much as this one. There's not a single thing to look forward to. Things keep being added to my plate as I get older, and it doesn't get easier. I don't have the excuse of being young to hide behind anymore. If I fuck up, that could be disastrous for a lot of people and not just me. I have to be responsible now. I don't have the option to run away. The amount of dread has been growing as the date approaches. I was initially very excited, so much so that I wanted to spend another week in Germany (more on that soon) as a way to treat myself. That turned out to be not so feasible for a myriad of reasons, but I wanted to celebrate wit...